Your AFCW Pointless Draft Grades

With the conclusion of the NFL Draft, it’s every expert’s favorite article time… draft grades. I couldn’t think of a more pointless activity than grading a draft that has yet to step foot on the field, but I’m going to do it anyway. So, fuck off. And who better to grade the draft than this year’s MS predict the pick champ? No one, that’s who. So let’s get to it, dickheads.

Broncos:

Best Pick – Jerry “The Jew” Jeudy. Safe to say Elway landed his top target at #15 overall, and Jeudy will pair with Courtland Sutton to make a dynamic duo for the Broncos at WR. This was best case scenario for the Broncos in Rd 1.

Worst Pick – KJ Hamler. This is more nitpicking than your typical worst pick because I wouldn’t necessarily call this a bad pick. Double dipping at WR this early in a draft that’s loaded at the position seems like a luxury for a team that has holes to fill elsewhere.

Overall – Elway had himself a helluva draft. In my best draft prognosticator terminology, he let the board come to him. Obviously found great value with Jeudy in rd 1, and that trend continued throughout the draft with picks of Cushenberry in the 3rd, and Muti in the 6th.

Grade – A. Fuck you, Elway.

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Chargers:

Best Pick – Kenneth Murray. Very high character guy, team captain at OU, good athlete. He’s an instant starter at MLB.

Worst pick – Also Kenneth Murray LOL. In 3 years as a starter at OU he has managed 0 INT’s and 4 PBUs. While he most likely will be dynamic against the run, he doesn’t excel in coverage which doesn’t bode well in the modern-day NFL. Trading back into the 1st for a 2 down LB makes my list of worst picks. Sorry not sorry.

Overall – The key to this draft is obviously Herbert at 6 overall, but the failure to address the OT position is a huge miss on TT’s part. Not to mention only coming away with 6 total picks on a roster that obviously lacked depth. TT just did a terrible job at navigating the draft board.

Grade – C-. And that’s being generous.

Chiefs:

Best Pick – Willie Gay Jr. Hard hitting prospect who can run sideline to sideline, and has the coverage abilities to play in sub packages. The only thing that kept him out of the first round were some character concerns that lead to suspensions in college. Which makes him perfect for the scumbag Chiefs.

Worst Pick – Michael Danna. Spent last season as a reserve for Michigan, after a decent career at Central Michigan. Not a great athlete, undersized… Don’t see any potential here for the 5th round pick.

Overall – Andy Reid had a solid day 1 and 2, with the LSU RB in rd 1, Gay in the 2nd, and Lucas Niang in Rd 3, but fell asleep at the wheel for day 3. Perhaps in a food comma after a long couple of nights. IDK.

Grade – C+

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Raiders:

Best Pick – Amik Robertson. Mayock and Gruden found good value in the 4th round with Robertson. He’s undersized for a CB, but as competitive and tough as they come. He’ll compete for snaps in the slot as early as week 1.

Worst Pick – Tanner Muse. Tough to justify drafting a player who’s ceiling is a ST captain in the 3rd round. Played S at Clemson, but projects as a LB in the NFL. I’d be shocked if he ever gets on the field outside of ST.

Overall – It’s a mixed bag for Mayock and Gruden amongst the “experts”. A couple early round reaches in Damon Arnette, and Muse, but addressed the team’s biggest needs by double dipping at both WR, most notably Henry Ruggs, and CB. Sat out the majority of day 2 with the last 2 picks coming in the 4th round, but still ended the draft with 7 selections overall.

Grade – B-

Congrats, Broncos. You won the draft. EAD, Elway.

Yours truly,

Whori

AFCW Early Offseason Outlook

First off, congrats to the 2 Chiefs fans on their long-awaited SB run. I’m sure they’re as shocked as we are that Fat Andy didn’t choke again. All those years of Andy Reid being a shitty father raising 2 deadbeat sons, finally paid off. Also, fuck you.

As we move on to the offseason, the theme for the other 3 losers is simple, yet not so simple: “How the fuck do we catch the Chiefs?” A lot is about to take place from now thru August, when training camp starts, so buckle up because this already has the makings of an all-time AFCW offseason.

A few key offseason dates:

Feb. 24 – Mar. 2nd: NFL Combine

Feb. 25 – Mar. 10th: Teams can designate Franchise or Transition players.

Mar. 16th: Clubs may enter negotiations with free agents. AKA legal tampering period.

Mar. 18th: The 2020 league year and FA begins at 1pm EST.

Apr. 23 – 25th: 2020 NFL Draft

Apr. 27th: Teams may tryout, sign current XFL players.

Who gives a fuck about the rest.

Early AFCW Headlines:

Chargers moving on from Rivers – The Chargers and Rivers have mutually agreed to part ways. Sounds like an old love story, “it’s not you, it’s me.” Either way, this creates a HUGE hole at the single most important position for LAC. Tank for Sunshine 2020?

Raiders are expected to show interest in Tom Brady – Another offseason, another media driven QB controversy for the Raiders. I’d say it’s 80/20 that Carr is the week 1 starter for the LV opener.

Not much else going on other than the Broncos need to figure out their ownership structure, but who really GAF about that, and hopefully the Chiefs are hungover all offseason.

That’s it for now. We’ll get more of an in depth look at each team’s needs and targets via FA and draft closer to those dates, along with some mock drafts to pass the time. Plus, I’m sure we can all agree that we’re sick of looking at the fucking Chiefs SB article, minus the hot chick of course. Moving on…

And good luck this offseason, other than our 2 Chiefs fans, we fucking need it.

Yours Truly,

Whori

AFCW Week 16 Preview

I don’t even want to recap week 15.

Fuck week 15. Moving on…

Chiefs at Bears:

You know what, I’m going to root for the Chiefs for the rest of the season. Not just in this obvious matchup because the Raiders have the Bears draft pick, but to win the whole fucking thing. Chiefs fans deserve it. All 2 of you. Poe, the constant shit talker and butt to our jokes, and lcjeeb, one of the more objective MS’ers out there, an all around good guy. Cheers to you two.

This isn’t that tough of a matchup for the Chiefs. The Bears aren’t that good, and their defense shouldn’t scare anyone. It’ll be cold, but Mahomes just hung 350 yards and 2 TD’s in the snow, so what’s a little cold air going to do? Defensively, take away the Bears only weapon, Allen Robinson, and they’ll struggle. Chiefs secondary has been quietly good this year so shouldn’t be a problem. Trubisky still sucks.

My predicktion: Chiefs 24, Bears 14

Lions at Broncos:

Two terrible teams who play in different conferences, I couldn’t think of a worse week 16 matchup. This is one of those where the local coverage should just bypass each team for a better game.

Two words, David. Blough. It’s not like the Broncos defense are world beaters like they have been in the past, but this kid sucks. Not sure how they even move the ball with no running game and CHJr shadowing Golladay. Offensively for Denver, I had a feeling Lock would struggle vs. the Chiefs but this is a favorable matchup for the rookie. Detriot’s defense is among the worst in the league.

My predicktion: Broncos 21, Lions 10

Chargers at Raiders in LA:

I’ve had it up to here *reaches up as far as my 6’10” wingspan will go* with the Raiders. I don’t think I’ve ever been this emotionally drained as a fan. I give up. The agony of defeat far outweighs the joys of victory when you’re a Raider fan. They always let you down. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. And I don’t even know who I’m mad at, mainly Gruden I guess, but I’m just fucking mad at the entire loser organization. Anyway…

The Chargers should’ve won this matchup last time they played in Oakland. They were the better team that day, and they are currently the better team right now. And it’s not even close. Jacobs is out for the week, so the Raiders will rely on Deandre Washington and Jalen Richard to carry the load. Not to mention Trent Brown just went on IR as I’m typing this, so that means another game of the human sack of potatoes, Brandon Parker, at right tackle. LOL. Poor Derek… just cut him already. He’s like that bug that you smash that’s still wiggling around on the ground. Put him out of his fucking misery. Send him to a better place *cough* New Orleans *cough*. Please. For the Chargers side, Rivers will have his full arsenal to work with, and defensively, Derwin James is back to form their superhero secondary of the jackoff boyz. I’m going to advise all Raiders fans to not watch this game.

My predicktion: Chargers 31, Raiders 13

A little FFB analysis: If you’re reading this, you’re probably in the championship game, so congrats. A little advice from the former MS FFB league champion (EAD, Screw), cross out the names on the back of jerseys. The whole notion of “start your studs” is complete bullshit and will cost you a championship. Start the best matchups. Start Breshad Perriman’s ugly ass. He’s a top 10 play this week. Who the fuck is Mike Boone? I don’t know, but if Cook and Mattison aren’t playing, start him too. Don’t just throw Alvin Kamara out there because you wasted a top 5 pick on him. You’ll lose. And trust me, I’ve been there before making these dumb decisions. And guess what? I fucking lost.

On that note, I wish you all good luck.

Yours truly,

Whori

AFCW Week 15 Preview – A farewell to Oakland edition

I’m going to keep it simple this week for the Chiefs, Broncos, and Chargers. Not because I’m a Raider homer and I hate all your teams, but because there is a greater meaning to this week with the grand finale of the Oakland Raiders.

Broncos at Chiefs:

My Predicktion – It’s not close. The Chiefs are playing for a much needed bye week, and Fat Andy will have Lock figured out after only 2 weeks as a starting QB.

Chiefs 27, Broncos 17

Vikings at Chargers:

My predicktion – I think this will be a good game. Vikings are a little banged up with an injury to Cook, and b/u Mattison nursing an ankle injury. They should get Thielen back, but Diggs has his work cut out for him against Casey Hayward. If Rivers can avoid being Givers, I think the Chargers get a W here.

Chargers 24, Vikings 21

Jaguars at Raiders:

*Wipes a tear* All I can think of right now is the lyrics to The End by The Doors. This is the end, my friend.

The very last time the Raiders take the field for the city of Oakland in the Coliseum that they’ve called home for the majority of the franchise’s existence.

It wasn’t fancy. Quite the opposite actually.

But it was home. It defined Oakland.

Walking over the pass from BART and through the concrete halls smelling of beer and weed with 60,000 people who’re ready for a throwdown chanting, “Raaaaiiiiiiiderrrrrrrssssss” in complete unison that just sends a shiver down your spine. If you never heard it, not anywhere else, but there, it was special. The Black Hole transcended the toughness that Al Davis once instilled in his proud franchise.

I don’t expect everyone to get it.

Raider Nation is nationwide with fans from all over, but those of us who were close, Bay Area natives like Rock, long time season ticket holders like JMC, the place was special to us. It was ours. Not sure how much I’m looking forward to Las Vegas. The stadium is going to be insane. It’ll have all the bells and whistles, but it won’t have the city of Oakland behind it. The Town. The people who made the Raiders, the Raiders. We’ll see what the future holds, will the Oakland faithful be there? I sure hope so because it won’t be the same without ‘em.

Oh yeah, there’s a game being played too.

My predicktion:

It hasn’t been pretty for the Raiders, losers of 3 straight. Loser is actually a nice way to put it because they’ve got their asses kicked 3 weeks in a row. Not this week though. Not against a 4-9 Jags team that isn’t good in any phase of the game. The Raiders will come out with something extra this week and leave on a high note.

Raiders 31, Jags 20

Yours Truly,

Whori

AFCW Week 14 Preview

Let’s just skip the bullshit and get right to it.

Broncos at Texans:

Coming off his first start and first win of his career, Drew Lock leads the 4-8 Broncos into the pile of shit otherwise known as Houston, home of the cheating Astros. In his debut, Lock looked the part of an NFL QB. Nothing spectacular on the stat sheet, but he didn’t seem lost out there like Elway’s previous 2 draft picks. Speaking of, according to Elway, Lock actually was able to communicate with coaches what the defense was doing out there. What a noble concept, a QB actually knowing WTF is happening on the field.

The Texans are somehow leading the AFCS, and I really don’t think they’re that good. Below average defensively, Carlos Hyde is the definition of a mediocre RB, OL isn’t that good. They have Watson and Hopkins, that’s about it. So I think the Broncos can hang in this one if Lock isn’t rattled by some road noise.

My predicktion: Texans 21, Broncos 17

Fantasy player of the game: Courtland Sutton. He has a favorable matchup with a poor HOU secondary (thanks for that 3rd round pick for Conley’s sorry ass), and Lock showed he can get him the ball.

Chargers at Jaguars:

If the Chargers were a TV character, they’d be Larry David. Always finding themselves in some sort of odd predicament that ends up costing them games. Seriously, if you were to look up most bizarre ways to lose a game, you’d see the Chargers logo. For the fans of the other 3 AFCW teams, it’s hilarious to watch. *Cue the Curb your Enthusiasm theme music*

This is a pretty meaningless game. Two 4-8 teams basically playing for nothing. Who’s going to suck more? Jacksonville has even less fans than the Chargers, so being on the road doesn’t really matter. This just feels like one of those games the Chargers win. It’ll be a Rivers redemption game.

My predicktion: Chargers 27, Jaguars 24

Fantasy player of the game: Keenan Allen will be matched up with our old friend DJ Hayden. Say no more.

Titans at Raiders:

Here’s a stat for you, the Raiders are 5-1 at home and 1-5 on the road. Here’s another one, they are 5-1 when Carr doesn’t throw an INT, 1-5 when he does. I don’t think anyone loves playing in the Coliseum more than Derek Carr. And fortunately for him and the Raiders, they get a tough matchup with a good Titans team at home.

Expect this game to be an old school, hard fought battle. With 2 of the league’s leading rushers, both teams will look to establish control in the trenches. Who wants it more? Sorry for the clichés, but it’s really what this game will come down to. A war of attrition. Another cliché for you. The big uglies are going to duke this one out for the W. Let’s just hope it doesn’t fucking rain.

My predicktion: Raiders 24, Titans 21

Fantasy player of the game: I think you could stream either QB. Carr plays well at home and Tannehill has been putting up decent numbers.

Chiefs at Patriots:

The game of the week. Two teams trying to reestablish themselves as the AFC’s elite. The Pats look old and slow, while the Chiefs need a late season run to make a push for a first round bye. A few things regarding the QB’s in this one: 1. How healthy is Patrick Mahomes? Granted there was a wind factor, but he didn’t look good at all vs. the Raiders. Was incredibly inaccurate and threw a ton off his back foot. 2. Is this finally the end for Brady? Every time he gets written off, the fucker comes back and gets his team to a SB. But this looks different because the guy is Forty fucking Two years old.

What’s really to analyze about this game? BB will try to slow the game down, and Reid will want to speed it up. I know, brilliant stuff there, but fuck. That’s pretty much what this game comes down to. I’ll give NE the slight edge for being at home, but they just seem off.

My predicktion: Chiefs 31, Patriots 24

Fantasy player of the game: James White. Coming off his highest snap share of the season, the Pats will keep him heavily involved to keep up with the Chiefs.

Good luck, dickheads.

Yours truly,

Whori

AFCW Week 12 Preview

JFC, how the fuck are we in week 12 already? The last of the bye weeks, the final 1/3 of the season is upon us and things are getting interesting. Especially in the AFCW with a close race for the division title taking shape. The Chiefs and Chargers are on a bye this week, here’s what’s in store for the Raiders and Broncos…

Broncos at Bills:

You know how you can tell a well coached team from a poorly coached team? It’s not all about the W/L record, but how they play every week. Effort. The Broncos aren’t giving up. They got out to a big lead on Sunday vs. a very good Vikings team, but ultimately talent prevailed and they lost a close one. Kudos to Fangio tho for keeping them in games they probably should be losing by more than one possession. I think the Broncos can be optimistic about their future with him as a HC.

Sunday at Buffalo will be another tough test. The fans are batshit crazy, and it’s cold AF. Fortunately for Denver, I think Buffalo is vastly overrated. They’ve won 7 games vs. teams who have a combined winning % of .282. Not one of them with a winning record. Offensively, Josh Allen still isn’t a good QB. He can be dangerous with his legs, but still errant throwing the ball and has a knack for fumbling. That and a mediocre run game, advantage Denver defense. On the other side of the ball, Buffalo is good defensively and will make it equally as hard on Denver’s offense. This has the makings of a 13-10 type game that’s won or lost on a last second FG.

My predicktion: Broncos 12, Bills 10

Fantasy Player of the Game: Not a lot to like here. White on Sutton, Harris on John Brown. Both D’s solid vs. the run… Impossible to bench those guys at this point in the season unless you’re in some stupid 8 man league in which case you need to step your fucking game up. I do like both defenses if you’re streaming.

Raiders at Jets:

Show me someone who predicted before the season that the Raiders would be in a battle with the Chiefs for the division title this late in the season, and show you show a fucking liar. But here they are, the Raiders, at 6-4 with an opportunity to get to 7-4 and be neck and neck with the Chiefs heading into their game next week at Arrowhead. However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Nothing comes easy in the NFL, especially getting a W on the road in the early time slot.

Despite the Jets record, I’m looking at this like it’s a pretty evenly matched game. Statistically on defense, both teams are damn near identical across the board. The Jets do a good job stopping the run, and have one of the league’s best defenders in Jamal Adams – who will for sure be shadowing Darren Waller on every passing down. The key for the Raiders offensively will be the OL, I know, no shit sherlock. However, according to the holy grail of statistical analysis – PFF, the Raiders OL has a significant advantage here. Keep Carr clean and the rest, including the run game, should take care of itself. Defensively, have to get pressure on Darnold. He’ll crumble under any sort of pressure, and the Raiders can get to him. The Jets have given up the 3rd most sacks this season to opposing defenses and the Raiders pass rush is on fire with 10 sacks in their last two games. This is a game the Raiders should win, but will they…

My predicktion: Raiders 27, Jets 20

Fantasy Player of the Game: You’re playing both starting RB’s no matter what, I don’t like Waller’s matchup with Adams. So take a look at the Jets starting TE, Ryan Griffin. Raiders struggle vs. TE’s and Griffin’s last 3 starts (not including the game Herndon started) he has 15 recs, 225 yards, and 3 TD’s. You’re welcome.

The Chiefs and Chargers are on a bye this week

Yours truly,

Whori

AFCW Week 11 Preview

What a wild week, week 10 was. Another game winning drive for Derek Carr, who has the most game winning drives since entering the league in 2014. We had Philip “Givers” making an appearance. And the Chiefs getting ran through like a San Francisco homeless hooker. But hey, we’re not here to prosecute ones “quality of life”, so let’s get to some football.

Broncos at Vikings:

The Broncos, fresh off a bye week, travel into the Mall of America to take on the 7-3 Vikings. I wonder if Dude will be at the game? Actually, I don’t. Anyway, as we all know by now, the Vikings are good. I believe I saw a stat that has them as a top 5 offense over the last 5 weeks, while the Broncos have been able to maintain one of the league’s better defenses.

Can this Brandon Allen guy do it again? He wasn’t asked to do much with only 20 attempts vs the Browns, but he made the most of them with 190 yards and 2 TD’s. Unfortunately for Allen, the Vikings defense poses a much greater threat as they’ll take away the run game and force the inexperienced QB to beat them. And I don’t see that going well for Denver.

My predicktion: Vikings 27, Broncos 13

Fantasy player of the game: I’ve said his name here before, and I’ll say it again, Alexander Mattison. He’s getting a decent workload for a b/u RB and could see some garbage time work this week. With some fantasy relevant teams on a bye, plug him in if you need a body at RB.

Bengals at Raiders:

The last of their 3 game homestand, the Raiders look to keep the momentum rolling against the league’s worst team… the 0-9 Bengals. Let’s hope the team comes out with just as much fire as they did on TNF vs. the Chargers because a well decided victory is exactly what the team, moreso the fans, need at this point in the season.

The Bengals are pretty much the worst at everything. Offensively, they’ve given up by benching Dalton for Ryan Finley. Defensively, they give up the most yards/game, most notably on the ground with 173/game. Well above the next worst team. The Raiders need to take advantage of that and should use Jacobs and Washington in heavy doses. Pound the rock effectively and come away with a comfortable victory. However, I’ve been a fan long enough to know not to put any amount of failure past the Raiders. So we’ll see.

My predicktion: Raiders 32, Bengals 17

Fantasy player of the game: Jacobs is a no brainer. He should dominate this matchup, but I think Tyrell Williams gets back on track too with a TD.

Chiefs at Chargers in Mexico City on MNF:

The marquee game of week 11 in the AFCW. The Chargers, trying to keep their season alive, and the Chiefs, 1-3 in Mahomes’ last 4 starts, head into the shithole otherwise known as Mexico City for Monday Night Football.

This is a good matchup. Quietly, the Chargers defense has been playing solid football since the return of Melvin Ingram. Looking at those last 3 games, they’re holding opposing offenses to fewer than 20 points (Rivers cost the defense 10 pts vs. the Raiders). And on the other side of the ball, we’re just starting to see the other Melvin – Gordon – get his legs back and it couldn’t come at a better time than against a soft Chiefs defense. Run, Melvin, run.

For the Chiefs, it starts with Mahomes. He needs to be the mobile Mahomes of old as Bosa and Ingram will be on his doorstep with every drop back. Will the knee hold up? Defensively, Frank Clark has to be licking his chops right now after watching what Clelin Ferrell was able to do to that Chargers OL, but none of that will matter if they can’t stop the run. Although that’s if the Chargers aren’t dumb enough to abandon the run again like they did last week. This one will be close.

My predicktion: Chiefs 24, Chargers 20

Fantasy player of the game: Melvin Gordon is a top 5 RB play this week, and keep an eye on the KC backfield. If they hold McCoy out again, fire up Damien Williams.

Yours truly,

Whori

AFCW Week 9 Preview

Heading into week 9, let’s just call a spade a spade. The AFCW is not a good division right now. We’ve been dominated by the NFCN (3-6), and the AFCS (3-7) We suck… Welp, now that that’s out of the way, let’s take a look at this coming week.

Vikings at Chiefs:

The Vikings head into Methville, USA at 6-2 and 2nd in the NFCN. They’re a good football team with some firepower offensively: Cook, Diggs, and Thielen. Can the Chiefs defense slow them down? I hope not. Will we see the return of Patrick Mahomes this week? It’s been 2 weeks since his knee injury, and reports out of KC last week said he looked good in his limited practice time. So we’re going to assume he plays.

Looking at this matchup, you have the league’s leading rusher in Dalvin Cook vs. the league’s 3rd worst run defense. I wonder what the Vikings will try to do? Getting Chris Jones back this week could be a huge boost in containing Cook for KC, but they’ll probably be without Frank Clark again. Offensively for the Chiefs, it’s obvious, they go as Mahomes goes. They still can’t run the ball for shit, so in order to win this game, not only will they need Mahomes back, but need him at close to 100%. And I’m not sure we’re there yet. He struggled with that ankle injury earlier this year, so I can’t imagine he’s back to his MVP caliber self 2 weeks removed from his knee cap being on the side of his leg.

My predicktion: Vikings 27, Chiefs 24

Fantasy Player of the Game: All the obvious plays here, including Cousins, but if you’re in need of a deep bye week fill in at RB, Alexander Mattison could have a decent workload behind Cook as the Vikings look to pound the ball.

Lions at Raiders:

Tough loss last week for the Raiders. Not only did they have the lead for the majority of the game, but losing to the Texans puts them in a big hole for a possible WC spot. But here they are at a respectable 3-4 having just finished the most brutal road schedule the NFL has ever seen, and finally back at home for a 3-game stand starting with Axel Foley’s Detroit Lions. The Lions are a pretty good team. Like the Raiders, they sit at 3-4, so we’re looking at a fairly even matchup here.

The challenge for the Raiders will be stopping Stafford and his trio of WR’s: Golladay, Jones Jr., and Amendola. Fortunately for the Raiders, Stafford can’t beat them with his legs like Watson did after O’Brien realized all he had to do was roll him out to his right and the Raiders were too fucking stupid to adjust. Anyway, offensively for the Raiders they should be able to attack one of the league’s worst defenses. Detroit is one of 2 teams who give up more passing yards than Oakland and are one of the worst against the run as well. I’m thinking a good ol’ fashioned shoot out here.

My predicktion: Raiders 31, Lions 27

Fantasy Player of the Game: Both QB’s. Carr and Stafford have favorable matchups vs. 2 of the leagues worst at defending the pass. Amendola a solid PPR play as we saw the Raiders inability to cover the middle of the field vs. the Texans.

Browns at Broncos:

The tanks keep rolling along in Denver with Joe Flacco’s season now all but over with an apparent neck injury. He was a below average QB anyway. So in comes Brandon Allen (who tha fook is that guy?) to keep the seat warm, or cold, for however long it takes Drew Lock to get ready to play. This is the 6th starting QB since PFM retired, Lock will be the 7th. It’s safe to say that Elway has no fucking clue what he’s doing after having a SB winning team fall in his lap. His drafts are terrible, coaching decisions haven’t been any better, but can/will the Bowlen’s (or whoever is making that decision) fire every Bronco fans hero?

Oddly enough, the Browns have been so bad, that the Broncos actually have a good chance of winning this game. And here’s why: Chris Harris. He’s shed the slot CB label and become the best CB in the league. Period. He shuts down your FFB teams WR1. Every. Fucking. Week. Also, the Broncos are still pretty good running the ball, which is every no name starting QB’s best friend. The last thing Denver wants to do here is drop back to pass more than 15 times and not all because of Allen at QB, but because of Bolles vs. Myles Garrett. Yikes. As much as I want to predickt a Broncos win, I just have no fucking clue what we’re going to get from Brandon Allen and why the Browns don’t just stack the box on every down and force whoever the fuck that guy is to beat them.

My predicktion:  Browns 14, Broncos 13

Fantasy Player of the Game: Chubb is an obvious play, but if you’re streaming defenses like me, and you should be because only an idiot drafts a D/ST before the 2nd to last round, I like both here in what should be a low scoring game.

Chargers at Packers in LA:

Once again, this might as well be an away game for the Chargers. They’ll be “home”, but that place will be packed with dumbass Mid Westerners wearing a fake block of cheese on their head. For all the shit Raiders fans get for their costumes, it doesn’t get any fucking dumber than that. Minus that Broncos fan dressed as a pom pom of course. Anyway, this will be the last of the Packers AFCW schedule, and so far they’ve dominated with a 3-0 record. Aaron Rodgers is back in the MVP discussion and has his Packers leading the NFCN once again. The Chargers on the other hand, did just beat the Bears in Chicago, but it took a 42-yard FG miss at the buzzer. Not impressed.

So how do the Chargers go about beating a 7-1 team? For one, they’re going to have to be successful running the ball, which is where the Packers defense is most vulnerable. The problem here is, the Chargers can’t run the ball. Behind one of the league’s worst OL’s, they average 5th lowest rushing yards/game and a paltry 3.5 ypc. That’s not good. And since his triumphant return, Melvin Gordon averages 2.5 ypc. That’s even worse. While Rivers is known for doing just enough to keep the Chargers competitive in just about every game, I think they’re just simply over-matched in this one.

My predicktion: Packers 27, Chargers 17

Fantasy Player of the Game: Rodgers has been spreading the wealth without Adams making picking one of his WR’s a nightmare, but I do like his RB’s here. Jones a must play, and Williams has been sneaky good too. 4 TD’s in their last 3 games, and averaging over 4 targets/game in that span as well. Giddy up.

Good luck, dickheads.

Love,

Whori

Rest in Peace Willie

AFCW Week 8 Preview

What a fucking week, week 7 was for the AFCW. Patty Mahomes had to have his knee popped back in place, the Broncos were outscored 30 to -1 after their opening possession, Rodgers is still throwing TD’s on the Raiders, and the Chargers Charger’d their way to another L. Let’s all just pretend that didn’t happen, shall we? Moving on to week 8 for what looks like another good one…

Chargers at Bears:

The schedule doesn’t lighten up any for the Chargers this week as they head into Chicago to face the monsters of the midway. Granted, the Bears offense is struggling as expected and Teddy Bridgewater just hung, wait can we say hung? Teddy Bridgewater just put 36 on that vaunted defense without Alvin Kamara – that’s better. So they aren’t looking too great either. It’s now or never for the Chargers.

Without a single starting caliber offensive lineman on the roster, the Chargers are going to struggle. Khalil Mack is going to feast, and unlike last week, the Chicago defense is going to live up to its hype. Defensively, the Chargers are going to have to force Trubisky to beat them. Stop the run, and make that sorry son of a bitch air it out. That’s the only way to win this one.

My predicktion: Bears 20, Chargers 17

Fantasy player of the game: He hasn’t been great, but Nagy has pointed out the importance of getting rookie Montgomery going. I think he does and finishes over 100 total yards and a TD.

Broncos at Colts:

WTF is that? Is that an Earthquake in Denver? No, it’s the sound of tanks rolling in. These next 5 days are going to tell us a lot about the future of the Denver Broncos. Is Elway going to steamroll his roster for picks, or try to hang on to guys like CHJr even though they are surely to leave in FA? Hey, maybe Denver fans will get lucky and the tanks will roll over Elway too…

The Broncos are the last of the AFCW teams to face the Colts, so it’s been well documented already that they’re a solid team, who now leads the AFCS and are healthier than they’ve been in weeks. Don’t really see any advantageous matchups for the Broncos here, but maybe they’ll care enough to play for the shreds of dignity that Elway has yet to take. But I don’t think so.

My predicktion: Colts 27, Broncos 10

Fantasy player of the game: Keep riding the Sutton train. He’s now in the borderline WR1 discussion without sharing the targets with Sanders.

Raiders at Texans:

Will the real Raiders please stand up? No, not you assholes from last week, you can sit the fuck back down. We’ve seen the Texans in here before. They’re 2-0 so far in the season series vs. the AFCW. So we’re not in for any surprises. They did just lose Will Fuller, which is good news for a secondary who couldn’t cover me. Random tidbit for the game, Raiders traded its starting CB to the Texans in exchange for a 3rd round pick. Now Gruden gets his chance to pick on Conley’s sorry ass for once.

HOU’s OL isn’t nearly as good as GB’s, so the Raiders should be able to get some sort of pressure on Watson this week. That will be key as he and Hopkins will dismantle any secondary, let alone the Raiders, with time to throw. Offensively, the Raiders could be getting Tyrell Williams back to attack a defense that’s given up the 4th most yards to QB’s this season. If Carr can cut out the RZ TO’s, the Raiders will be in this one.

My predicktion: Texans 27, Raiders 24

Fantasy player of the game: Flip a coin between Kenny Stills and Keke Coutee. One of them, or both, will run right past the Raiders secondary for a long TD.

Packers at Chiefs:

It’s hard for me to believe the Chiefs are really that fucking stupid. They can’t possibly start their franchise QB/savior 10 days post dislocating his kneecap. That’s insane. The rest of us can only hope that they’d be dumb enough to mortgage their future for a regular season game. We obviously don’t wish injury on anyone other than the child beater, but stupidity by Andy Reid and the Chiefs organization is always welcome.

Anyway, the Packers are getting the Chiefs at the exact right time. I really don’t think Mahomes will play, and the Packers should see the return of Davante Adams to give Rodgers his full arsenal of weaponry. The Chiefs on the other hand will most likely be playing with Matt Moore at QB, and he won’t have any semblance of a running game to support him as the Chiefs are in the bottom quarter of the league in rushing. Minus Mahomes, this should be an easy win for the 6-1 Packers.

My predicktion: Packers 31, Chiefs 20

Fantasy player of the game: Aaron Jones. KC gives up the 4th most yards to RB’s. He’s a must start.

Look at this little bitch. Garrett Bolles should be proud. “My God, my knee! Can I play this week coach?”

*I hate predickting an 0-4 week with the AFCW, but here we are.

Yours truly,

Whori

AFCW Week 6 Preview

What an exciting week, week 5 was. Broncos got their first win of the season vs. the Chargers – we all saw that coming. The Chiefs looked pedestrian for the second week in a row in a loss at home to the Colts. And the Raiders shocked the world by punching bitch ass Khalil Mack and the Bears D in the dick and getting their 3rd win of the season to move to 3-2. Moving on to week 6 in what looks like some good matchups all around for the AFCW.

Texans at Chiefs:

Coming off a tough loss at home vs. the Colts, the Chiefs will look to rebound against a good Texans team looking for its 4th win of the season and leading the AFCS division. Houston excels at getting pressure on the opposing QB, and offensively, Deshaun Watson leads a vertical passing attack which could spell trouble for KC’s mediocre secondary.

Patrick Mahomes is going to have to carry this team on his back in order to win this game. Watkins and Fisher look questionable for the game at best, and child beater still hasn’t been cleared. Defensively they’ll be w/out Chris Jones for a few weeks as well. Fat Andy needs to get his 8th worse run game going to keep the Texans defense honest. I wish I would’ve written this before taking Chiefs -5 because I just don’t see it paying out. This will be close and could go either way.

My predicktion: Chiefs 30, Texans 27

Fantasy player of the game: Rule #1 in FFB, don’t chase last week’s points. However, Will Fuller has another very nice matchup this week. I’m going to double down on another solid performance.

Titans at Broncos:

The Broncos got their first win of the season last week in LA, but come home for a tough week 6 matchup vs. the Titans. The Titans are sitting at 2-3 and currently last in the AFCS, but they’re better than their record would indicate. They’re a well-balanced team who aren’t really great at anything, but solid in all facets of the game.

The key for the Broncos to come away with a W is going to be getting the ball out of Henry’s hands and forcing Mariota to be the shitty QB he is. Unfortunately for Denver, this plays right into their weakness defensively, struggling against tough, physical runners through the first 5 games of the season. Offensively, the Broncos OL will struggle vs. a stout TEN front and will need to have success throwing the ball, and should look to Sutton early and often. Vegas has this as the lowest point total of the week for a reason. Expect a low scoring game, that’s probably decided by another last second FG.

My predicktion: Titans 19, Broncos 17

Fantasy player of the game: Henry is obviously a must start, so I’m going with the hot hand of Courtland Sutton. He’s taken over as Flacco’s favorite WR and has a positive matchup with Malcolm Butler.

Chargers at Steelers in LA:

Let’s face it, this might as well be a road game for the Chargers. Steelers fans travel better than any team in the league, and the Chargers have no fans to begin with. Terrible towels everywhere. Anyway, the Chargers are reeling. They’re banged up as always, losing Pouncey for the season this week, and lack the depth to stay afloat. Speaking of, maybe if TT didn’t always go for the “sexy” pick in the draft and actually filled positions of need, these injuries wouldn’t take such a toll.

The Chargers need a win here to keep their season alive, and fortunately for LAC, the Steelers look like they may be starting a 3rd string QB. That might be their only saving grace in this one. Pittsburgh is still solid enough defensively to keep Rivers in check, but not sure what to expect from the offense other than a healthy dose of James Conner with Jaylen Samuels sidelined now for a month. Can the Chargers get Melvin Gordon going? They’ll need a big game from him to get a win. And take the under.

My predicktion: Chargers 17, Steelers 14 *If Rudolph starts, this is an L for the Chargers*

Fantasy player of the game: Minus the obvious KA and James Conner, I’m staying away. But if you’re desperate for a TE play, Vance McDonald could have a decent game. Backup QB’s usually tend to lean on TE’s in the passing game.

Raiders on a bye:

Traded a 2021 5th for Zay Jones and get some much needed WR depth.

Yours truly,

Whori