Muddled State

First off, congrats to the 2 Chiefs fans on their long-awaited SB run. I’m sure they’re as shocked as we are that Fat Andy didn’t choke again. All those years of Andy Reid being a shitty father raising 2 deadbeat sons, finally paid off. Also, fuck you.

As we move on to the offseason, the theme for the other 3 losers is simple, yet not so simple: “How the fuck do we catch the Chiefs?” A lot is about to take place from now thru August, when training camp starts, so buckle up because this already has the makings of an all-time AFCW offseason.

A few key offseason dates:

Feb. 24 – Mar. 2^nd: NFL Combine

Feb. 25 – Mar. 10^th: Teams can designate Franchise or Transition players.

Mar. 16^th: Clubs may enter negotiations with free agents. AKA legal tampering period.

Mar. 18^th: The 2020 league year and FA begins at 1pm EST.

Apr. 23 – 25^th: 2020 NFL Draft

Apr. 27^th: Teams may tryout, sign current XFL players.

Who gives a fuck about the rest.

Early AFCW Headlines:

Chargers moving on from Rivers – The Chargers and Rivers have mutually agreed to part ways. Sounds like an old love story, “it’s not you, it’s me.” Either way, this creates a HUGE hole at the single most important position for LAC. Tank for Sunshine 2020?

Raiders are expected to show interest in Tom Brady – Another offseason, another media driven QB controversy for the Raiders. I’d say it’s 80/20 that Carr is the week 1 starter for the LV opener.

Not much else going on other than the Broncos need to figure out their ownership structure, but who really GAF about that, and hopefully the Chiefs are hungover all offseason.

That’s it for now. We’ll get more of an in depth look at each team’s needs and targets via FA and draft closer to those dates, along with some mock drafts to pass the time. Plus, I’m sure we can all agree that we’re sick of looking at the fucking Chiefs SB article, minus the hot chick of course. Moving on…

And good luck this offseason, other than our 2 Chiefs fans, we fucking need it.

Yours Truly,

Whori

I don’t even want to recap week 15.

Fuck week 15. Moving on…

Chiefs at Bears:

You know what, I’m going to root for the Chiefs for the rest of the season. Not just in this obvious matchup because the Raiders have the Bears draft pick, but to win the whole fucking thing. Chiefs fans deserve it. All 2 of you. Poe, the constant shit talker and butt to our jokes, and lcjeeb, one of the more objective MS’ers out there, an all around good guy. Cheers to you two.

This isn’t that tough of a matchup for the Chiefs. The Bears aren’t that good, and their defense shouldn’t scare anyone. It’ll be cold, but Mahomes just hung 350 yards and 2 TD’s in the snow, so what’s a little cold air going to do? Defensively, take away the Bears only weapon, Allen Robinson, and they’ll struggle. Chiefs secondary has been quietly good this year so shouldn’t be a problem. Trubisky still sucks.

My predicktion: Chiefs 24, Bears 14

Lions at Broncos:

Two terrible teams who play in different conferences, I couldn’t think of a worse week 16 matchup. This is one of those where the local coverage should just bypass each team for a better game.

Two words, David. Blough. It’s not like the Broncos defense are world beaters like they have been in the past, but this kid sucks. Not sure how they even move the ball with no running game and CHJr shadowing Golladay. Offensively for Denver, I had a feeling Lock would struggle vs. the Chiefs but this is a favorable matchup for the rookie. Detriot’s defense is among the worst in the league.

My predicktion: Broncos 21, Lions 10

Chargers at Raiders in LA:

I’ve had it up to here *reaches up as far as my 6’10” wingspan will go* with the Raiders. I don’t think I’ve ever been this emotionally drained as a fan. I give up. The agony of defeat far outweighs the joys of victory when you’re a Raider fan. They always let you down. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. And I don’t even know who I’m mad at, mainly Gruden I guess, but I’m just fucking mad at the entire loser organization. Anyway…

The Chargers should’ve won this matchup last time they played in Oakland. They were the better team that day, and they are currently the better team right now. And it’s not even close. Jacobs is out for the week, so the Raiders will rely on Deandre Washington and Jalen Richard to carry the load. Not to mention Trent Brown just went on IR as I’m typing this, so that means another game of the human sack of potatoes, Brandon Parker, at right tackle. LOL. Poor Derek… just cut him already. He’s like that bug that you smash that’s still wiggling around on the ground. Put him out of his fucking misery. Send him to a better place *cough* New Orleans *cough*. Please. For the Chargers side, Rivers will have his full arsenal to work with, and defensively, Derwin James is back to form their superhero secondary of the jackoff boyz. I’m going to advise all Raiders fans to not watch this game.

My predicktion: Chargers 31, Raiders 13

A little FFB analysis: If you’re reading this, you’re probably in the championship game, so congrats. A little advice from the former MS FFB league champion (EAD, Screw), cross out the names on the back of jerseys. The whole notion of “start your studs” is complete bullshit and will cost you a championship. Start the best matchups. Start Breshad Perriman’s ugly ass. He’s a top 10 play this week. Who the fuck is Mike Boone? I don’t know, but if Cook and Mattison aren’t playing, start him too. Don’t just throw Alvin Kamara out there because you wasted a top 5 pick on him. You’ll lose. And trust me, I’ve been there before making these dumb decisions. And guess what? I fucking lost.

On that note, I wish you all good luck.

Yours truly,

Whori

I’m going to keep it simple this week for the Chiefs, Broncos, and Chargers. Not because I’m a Raider homer and I hate all your teams, but because there is a greater meaning to this week with the grand finale of the Oakland Raiders.

Broncos at Chiefs:

My Predicktion – It’s not close. The Chiefs are playing for a much needed bye week, and Fat Andy will have Lock figured out after only 2 weeks as a starting QB.

Chiefs 27, Broncos 17

Vikings at Chargers:

My predicktion – I think this will be a good game. Vikings are a little banged up with an injury to Cook, and b/u Mattison nursing an ankle injury. They should get Thielen back, but Diggs has his work cut out for him against Casey Hayward. If Rivers can avoid being Givers, I think the Chargers get a W here.

Chargers 24, Vikings 21

Jaguars at Raiders:

*Wipes a tear* All I can think of right now is the lyrics to The End by The Doors. This is the end, my friend.

The very last time the Raiders take the field for the city of Oakland in the Coliseum that they’ve called home for the majority of the franchise’s existence.

It wasn’t fancy. Quite the opposite actually.

But it was home. It defined Oakland.

Walking over the pass from BART and through the concrete halls smelling of beer and weed with 60,000 people who’re ready for a throwdown chanting, “Raaaaiiiiiiiderrrrrrrssssss” in complete unison that just sends a shiver down your spine. If you never heard it, not anywhere else, but there, it was special. The Black Hole transcended the toughness that Al Davis once instilled in his proud franchise.

I don’t expect everyone to get it.

Raider Nation is nationwide with fans from all over, but those of us who were close, Bay Area natives like Rock, long time season ticket holders like JMC, the place was special to us. It was ours. Not sure how much I’m looking forward to Las Vegas. The stadium is going to be insane. It’ll have all the bells and whistles, but it won’t have the city of Oakland behind it. The Town. The people who made the Raiders, the Raiders. We’ll see what the future holds, will the Oakland faithful be there? I sure hope so because it won’t be the same without ‘em.

Oh yeah, there’s a game being played too.

My predicktion:

It hasn’t been pretty for the Raiders, losers of 3 straight. Loser is actually a nice way to put it because they’ve got their asses kicked 3 weeks in a row. Not this week though. Not against a 4-9 Jags team that isn’t good in any phase of the game. The Raiders will come out with something extra this week and leave on a high note.

Raiders 31, Jags 20

Yours Truly,

Whori

Let’s just skip the bullshit and get right to it.

Broncos at Texans:

Coming off his first start and first win of his career, Drew Lock leads the 4-8 Broncos into the pile of shit otherwise known as Houston, home of the cheating Astros. In his debut, Lock looked the part of an NFL QB. Nothing spectacular on the stat sheet, but he didn’t seem lost out there like Elway’s previous 2 draft picks. Speaking of, according to Elway, Lock actually was able to communicate with coaches what the defense was doing out there. What a noble concept, a QB actually knowing WTF is happening on the field.

The Texans are somehow leading the AFCS, and I really don’t think they’re that good. Below average defensively, Carlos Hyde is the definition of a mediocre RB, OL isn’t that good. They have Watson and Hopkins, that’s about it. So I think the Broncos can hang in this one if Lock isn’t rattled by some road noise.

My predicktion: Texans 21, Broncos 17

Fantasy player of the game: Courtland Sutton. He has a favorable matchup with a poor HOU secondary (thanks for that 3^rd round pick for Conley’s sorry ass), and Lock showed he can get him the ball.

Chargers at Jaguars:

If the Chargers were a TV character, they’d be Larry David. Always finding themselves in some sort of odd predicament that ends up costing them games. Seriously, if you were to look up most bizarre ways to lose a game, you’d see the Chargers logo. For the fans of the other 3 AFCW teams, it’s hilarious to watch. *Cue the Curb your Enthusiasm theme music*

This is a pretty meaningless game. Two 4-8 teams basically playing for nothing. Who’s going to suck more? Jacksonville has even less fans than the Chargers, so being on the road doesn’t really matter. This just feels like one of those games the Chargers win. It’ll be a Rivers redemption game.

My predicktion: Chargers 27, Jaguars 24

Fantasy player of the game: Keenan Allen will be matched up with our old friend DJ Hayden. Say no more.

Titans at Raiders:

Here’s a stat for you, the Raiders are 5-1 at home and 1-5 on the road. Here’s another one, they are 5-1 when Carr doesn’t throw an INT, 1-5 when he does. I don’t think anyone loves playing in the Coliseum more than Derek Carr. And fortunately for him and the Raiders, they get a tough matchup with a good Titans team at home.

Expect this game to be an old school, hard fought battle. With 2 of the league’s leading rushers, both teams will look to establish control in the trenches. Who wants it more? Sorry for the clichés, but it’s really what this game will come down to. A war of attrition. Another cliché for you. The big uglies are going to duke this one out for the W. Let’s just hope it doesn’t fucking rain.

My predicktion: Raiders 24, Titans 21

Fantasy player of the game: I think you could stream either QB. Carr plays well at home and Tannehill has been putting up decent numbers.

Chiefs at Patriots:

The game of the week. Two teams trying to reestablish themselves as the AFC’s elite. The Pats look old and slow, while the Chiefs need a late season run to make a push for a first round bye. A few things regarding the QB’s in this one: 1. How healthy is Patrick Mahomes? Granted there was a wind factor, but he didn’t look good at all vs. the Raiders. Was incredibly inaccurate and threw a ton off his back foot. 2. Is this finally the end for Brady? Every time he gets written off, the fucker comes back and gets his team to a SB. But this looks different because the guy is Forty fucking Two years old.

What’s really to analyze about this game? BB will try to slow the game down, and Reid will want to speed it up. I know, brilliant stuff there, but fuck. That’s pretty much what this game comes down to. I’ll give NE the slight edge for being at home, but they just seem off.

My predicktion: Chiefs 31, Patriots 24

Fantasy player of the game: James White. Coming off his highest snap share of the season, the Pats will keep him heavily involved to keep up with the Chiefs.

Good luck, dickheads.

Yours truly,

Whori